Ever wanted a smart title

for your paper? Take a look at this fascinating paper title generator. It is amazing how easy it is to produce a well sounding title which no one understands and due to this will never ask you about the meaning of it... cause this will only state one's asininity.

Мир как деревня в сто жителей

Если сократить все человечество до деревни в сто жителей, принимая во внимание все пропорциональные соотношения, вот как будет выглядеть население этой деревни:

• 60 азиатов
• 12 европейцев
• 5 североамериканцев (США и Канада)
• 8 латиноамериканцев
• 14 африканцев

ПОЛ, ЦВЕТ КОЖИ

• 49 будут женщинами
• 82 не белыми
• 89 гетеросексуальными
• 51 мужчинами
• 18 белыми
• 11 гомосексуальными

БЛАГОСОСТОЯНИЕ

• 5 человек будут владеть 32% всего мирового богатства, и все они будут из США
• у 80 не будет достаточных жилищных условий
• 25 человек будут жить на 1 доллар в день
  (а 50 человек - на 2 доллара в день)
• 50 будут недоедать, а 1 будет умирать от голода

УДОБСТВО, ОБРАЗОВАНИЕ, ЗДОРОВЬЕ

• у 33 не будет доступа к чистой питьевой воде
• у 24 не будет электричества
• (а 76% из тех, у которых будет электричество, будут его использовать преимущественно для освещения в темное время суток)
• 67 будут неграмотными
• 1 будет ВИЧ-инфицирован
• 1 умрет
• 2 родятся
  

(и к 2025 году население деревни достигнет 133 человек)

• только у 7 будет доступ к Интернету
• 1 (только один) будет иметь высшее образование

УГРОЗЫ

• Если сегодня с УТРА ТЫ проснулся здоровым, ты счастливее, чем 1 миллион человек, которые не доживут до следующей недели
• Если ты никогда не переживал войну,одиночество тюремного заключения, агонию пыток или голод,
  

ты счастливее, чем 500 миллионов человек в этом мире.

• Если в твоем холодильнике есть еда, ты одет и обут,
• у тебя есть крыша над головой и постель,
  

ты богаче, чем 75% людей в этом мире.

КОШЕЛЕК

• Если у тебя есть счет в банке,
• деньги в кошельке
• и немного мелочи в копилке,
  

ты принадлежишь к 8% обеспеченных людей в этом мире.

ВЫВОД

Если ты читаешь этот текст, ты благословлен втройне, потому что:

• кто-то подумал о тебе;
• ты не принадлежишь к тем 2 миллиардам людей, которые не умеют читать и...
• у тебя был компьютер!
  

-------------------------------------------
Подготовлено по материалам сайта ...

Челночная дипломатия

Однажды у Киссинджера спросили - Что такое "челночная дипломатия?" Киссинджер ответил- - О! Это универсальный метод! Поясню на примере. Вы хотите методом челночной дипломатии выдать дочь Рокфеллера замуж за простого парня из русской деревни. - Это невозможно! Каким образом? - Очень просто. Я еду в русскую деревню, нахожу там простого парня и спрашиваю: - Хочешь жениться на американке? Он: «У нас и своих девчонок полно» Я: «Да. Но она дочь миллиардера» Он: «О! Это меняет дело» Тогда я еду в Швейцарию на заседание правления банка. Спрашиваю: «Вы хотите иметь президентом ядреного сибирского мужика?» - Фу - говорят в банке. - А если он при этом будет зятем Рокфеллера? - О! Это меняет дело! Еду к Рокфеллеру. Спрашиваю: «Хотите иметь зятем русского мужика?» Он: «У нас в семье все финансисты!» Я: «А он как раз президент Швейцарского банка!» Он: «О! Это меняет дело! Сюзи! Пойди сюда. Мистер Киссинджер нашел тебе жениха. Это президент Швейцарского банка!» Сюзи: «Эти финансисты все дохляки!» Я: «Да! Но этот - ядреный сибирский мужик!» Она: «О-о-о! Это меняет дело»

Lecturers with PhDs 'overqualified' for job

In the higher education supplement of the times you will find a very interesting article about the degradation of PhDs after finishing their tortures journey. It is sad but inevitably true.

"New entrants' research expertise could be redundant as they are pushed into teaching-only posts. John Gill reports.


The PhD - seen as a foundation for an academic career - is becoming redundant for many lecturers as they are increasingly sidelined into teaching-only roles.

The claim is made in a research paper presented to the Society for Research into Higher Education annual conference this week, which links the increased selectivity of the research assessment exercise with a rise in the number of teaching-only contracts."

If you got intreeged by that short excerpt carry on reading further here.

Gantt Chart of the PhD

Ok it is getting really tight... and if I say tight I really mean it. Had an unofficial "supervisory meeting" with my supervisor and we (me) worked out the plan of further actions. Since I know myself and my ability of "running on time"... did I say "on time"... well whatever... I decided to post here the Gantt chart (it is an amazing work of Excel! Check out this web page - it is a HowTo on Gantt charts a la Excel. Quite useful I admit. Otherwise here you will find some suggestions for the templates) of my PhD. Click on the picture and you will be overwhelmed by the beauty of the BMP colours ;-)
I am already seeing myself glazing over this post in January and realizing how far behind my schedule I am... I wish a day with 48 hours!

Case study me baby

I guess the most dreaded part of the every wannabe consultant is the case study interview. Somehow it is a bit cruel - one gets through so much hustle to get invited to these interviews in the first place and then one gets pestered with questions where there is no right or wrong but whether your answer and "sex appeal" appeals to the interviewer ;-)

Luckily some of these companies, whose recruitment process can't be imagined without interviews (as it is their daily bread), have some examples of their torturing techniques on-line. Here one can admire some HowTo videos from McKinsey on your forthcoming process.

Prepare well and be cool... tip from my side.

For the lovers of cheesy stuff

If you cracking up on funny remakes than you should get this name in the back of your mind - Weird Al' Yankovic. This guy is absolutely the reincarnation of cheesiness. Check out his Gangster's Paradise music video.

Acquired a taste for it... good... got to time waster tool YouTube and we will find tuns and tuns of it. Here you can find even more of Yankovic.
Just before I finished typing my colleague sent me something which I just can't abstain the world. Take a look at this...

should have been the collage of the worst out-takes or so.
Enjoy it!

Woman, an adorable being

I am not entirely sure whether I need to give my comments on this. But a question with respect to low numbers of women in technical jobs sound a bit odd in this context.

Never intended to offend any female being on earth - without them life wouldn't be what it is ;-)

Want to waste your time...

I've got a perfect tip for you in that case. First you can try it with Facebook. Ah, sweet Facebook, how you fill my working hours so delightfully... My Pacman scores are now nothing short of phenomenal. I've super-poked everyone that can be super-poked. Taken all kinds of quizzes and tests and puzzles. Found friends I've not seen in 15 years. Improved that Pacman record a little... ...oh wow!...it's 5 o'clock...time to go home! (a day routine of a friend of mine)
But now you have to forget about Facebook or other alternatives. Nothing can outperform YouTube. Just watch this (it is in German)

Viral video is something which belongs to the past. YouTube is a new alternative for an elaborate way to waste your time... and I can sing a song about it since it comes from the horse's mouth.

Anschreiben, Lebenslauf, Unterlagen...

Alle die sich damit beschäftigen, wie man eine perfekte Bewerbung aufsetzt, werden es sicherlich hilfreich finden auf diesen Seiten

• eine echt gute Webseite
• und noch eine ziemlich gute Webseite

etwas zu stöbern. Einige Tipps & Tricks sind schon sehenswert.
Viel Glück bei den Bestrebungen für die weitere Karriere.

MMUin2020

There was a competition in the university where students and staff should come up with ideas on how MMU can look like in 2020. Since the life is unfair as usual and I didn't get the desired (and truly earned) first place I am presenting the work of diligence and many sleepless nights to the wide audience of who ever is bored enough to drop by to my blog.

It has to be admitted that this cheap and cheesy production wouldn't have been possible without the indefatigable dedication of my filming and editing crew - thank you guys!
The rest of the videos submitted for the MMU’s Business School ran competition to stimulate ideas about the future of the University can be found here.

It doesn't get any better

is exactly how I feel at the moment and is a title of this funny poster at the same time. There are these two papers for aamas08 conference which are due to submit by this Friday (which is in slightly less than 2,5 days) and I haven't even started writhing them... plus there are some teaching obligations. Oh my gosh, I wished a day would have 48 hours... that would have been just smashing!

You can find more of these funny dog pictures here.

Exploring Ways to Shorten the Ascent to a Ph.D.

Here is the original article. But as nothing in the world wild web is for ever I've decided to have a sort of backup copy of the article on my blog. Enjoy reading PdD comrades ;-)

Richard Perry/The New York Times

Kellam Conover, 26, a classicist at Princeton, expects to graduate in five years, after completing his dissertation in May.

By JOSEPH BERGER

Published: October 3, 2007

Correction Appended

PRINCETON, N.J.

Many of us have known this scholar: The hair is well-streaked with gray, the chin has begun to sag, but still our tortured friend slaves away at a masterwork intended to change the course of civilization that everyone else just hopes will finally get a career under way.

We even have a name for this sometimes pitied species — the A.B.D. — All But Dissertation. But in academia these days, that person is less a subject of ridicule than of soul-searching about what can done to shorten the time, sometimes much of a lifetime, it takes for so many graduate students to, well, graduate. The Council of Graduate Schools, representing 480 universities in the United States and Canada, is halfway through a seven-year project to explore ways of speeding up the ordeal.

For those who attempt it, the doctoral dissertation can loom on the horizon like Everest, gleaming invitingly as a challenge but often turning into a masochistic exercise once the ascent is begun. The average student takes 8.2 years to get a Ph.D.; in education, that figure surpasses 13 years. Fifty percent of students drop out along the way, with dissertations the major stumbling block. At commencement, the typical doctoral holder is 33, an age when peers are well along in their professions, and 12 percent of graduates are saddled with more than $50,000 in debt.

These statistics, compiled by the National Science Foundation and other government agencies by studying the 43,354 doctoral recipients of 2005, were even worse a few years ago. Now, universities are setting stricter timelines and demanding that faculty advisers meet regularly with protégés. Most science programs allow students to submit three research papers rather than a single grand work. More universities find ways to ease financial burdens, providing better paid teaching assistantships as well as tuition waivers. And more universities are setting up writing groups so that students feel less alone cobbling together a thesis.

Fighting these trends, and stretching out the process, is the increased competition for jobs and research grants; in fields like English where faculty vacancies are scarce, students realize they must come up with original, significant topics. Nevertheless, education researchers like Barbara E. Lovitts, who has written a new book urging professors to clarify what they expect in dissertations; for example, to point out that professors “view the dissertation as a training exercise” and that students should stop trying for “a degree of perfection that’s unnecessary and unobtainable.”

There are probably few universities that nudge students out the door as rapidly as Princeton, where a humanities student now averages 6.4 years compared with 7.5 in 2003. That is largely because Princeton guarantees financial support for its more than 2,000 scholars for five years, including free tuition and stipends that range up to $30,000 a year. That means students need teach no more than two courses during their schooling and can focus on research.

“Princeton since the 1930s has felt that a Ph.D. should be an education, not a career, and has valued a tight program,” said William B. Russel, dean of the graduate school.

And students are grateful. “Every morning I wake up and remind myself the university is paying me to do nothing but write the dissertation,” said Kellam Conover, 26, a classicist who expects to complete his course of study in five years next May when he finishes his dissertation on bribery in Athens. “It’s a tremendous advantage compared to having to work during the day and complete the dissertation part time.”

But fewer than a dozen universities have endowments or sources of financing large enough to afford five-year packages. The rest require students to teach regularly. Compare Princetonians with Brian Gatten, 28, an English scholar at the University of Texas in Austin. He has either been teaching or assisting in two courses every semester for five years.

“Universities need us as cheap labor to teach their undergraduates, and frankly we need to be needed because there isn’t another way for us to fund our education,” he said.

That raises a question that state legislatures and trustees might ponder: Would it be more cost effective to provide financing to speed graduate students into careers rather than having them drag out their apprenticeships?

But money is not the only reason Princeton does well. It has developed a culture where professors keep after students. Students talk of frequent meetings with advisers, not a semiannual review. For example, Ning Wu, 30, a father of two, works in Dr. Russel’s chemical engineering lab and said Dr. Russel comes by every Friday to discuss Mr. Wu’s work on polymer films used in computer chips. He aims to get his Ph.D. next year, his fifth.

While Dr. Russel values “the critical thinking and independent digging students have to do, either in their mind for an original concept or in the archives,” others question the necessity of book-length works. Some universities have established what they call professional doctorates for students who plan careers more as practitioners than scholars. Since the 1970s, Yeshiva University has not only offered a Ph.D. in psychology but also a separate doctor of psychology degree, or Psy.D., for those more interested in clinical work than research; that program requires a more modest research paper.

OTHER institutions are reviving master’s degree programs for, say, aspiring scientists who plan careers in development of products rather than research.

Those who insist on dissertations are aware that they must reduce the loneliness that defeats so many scholars. Gregory Nicholson, completing his sixth and final year at Michigan State, was able to finish a 270-page dissertation on spatial environments in novels like Kerouac’s “On the Road” with relative efficiency because of a writing group where he thrashed out his work with other thesis writers.

“It’s easy, especially in our field, to feel isolated, and that tends to slow people down,” he said. “There’s no sense of belonging to an academic community.”

Some common sense would also hasten the process. The dissertation is a hurdle that must be cleared, not a magnum opus, the capstone of a career. Princeton’s Mr. Wu has made that calculation.

“You do not want to stay forever,” Mr. Wu said. “It’s a training process.”

E-mail: joeberg@nytimes.com

Correction: October 4, 2007

The On Education column yesterday, about efforts to shorten the time it takes to earn a Ph.D., misstated the number of graduate students at Princeton University. There are more than 2,000 — not 330, the number of Ph.D degrees the university awarded last year.

How to ensure a job for life

Ok folks, this is dedicated to these of you who are as geeky as I am... and people who know me personally will know that I am really geekey! Not sure how geeky you are? Well not a problem at all. If you want to estimate the level of your geekness just check out this short survey.
So back to business. Imagine you are a software developer and you know that your white collar job will be shifted to one of the offshore companies in the very near future. This is a point of desperation for ever bit and byte worker. But there is no reason to fall into apathy. This little manual "How to write unmaintainable code" will give you all the tools you need to secure your job forever. Awesome HowTo.
Cheerio

Couldn't find a good title yet

You think having everything under control and being on top of things which you have influence on. And all of a sudden next thing you know is that you've met somebody who makes you think of this famous song by Michael Jackson You Rock My World. The worst thing is that it doesn't matter whether you are in a steady relationship or not - it just happens and you don't have a slightest chance to resist. I know some people who say that never happened to them. My only response to this is to to hold on tight, as I'm convinced it will happen with each end everyone of us. The tricky thing is to make a right decision at a time. And this is where the wheat separates from the chaff as not many of us are able to make these decision.

Universitätswahl

Ich wusste es doch schon längst - ich bin eindeutig auf der falschen Uni gewesen. Es wurde mir nur nie so deutlich vor Augen geführt.
Allerdings nach einigen Jahren hier in UK muss ich gestehen, daß der männliche Auge hier auch nicht allzu kurz kommt. Vielleicht nicht so stark auf dem Campus aber mal ehrlich - das wahre Leben fängt doch siewieso erst ab 11 Uhr Nachts und nicht auf dem öden Campus sondern in den Clubs ;-)

Welcome to peaceful Manchester

I know that the title is a bit ironic but this somewhat macabre title just underlines the horrible reality with people leaving in this city have to deal with on everyday basis. Actually, whether you lived long enough in Manchester or not can be detected very easily - if you didn't find the tile of this post sarcastic than you are still a greenhorn in the rough North.
A car of a good friend of mine got broken into. She is giving the footage on her forum. The link to her post can be found here.
After living for nearly more than 3 years in UK I still can't understand why is small crime like this proliferating. It is really strange that people who commit these crimes don't really care about consequences. Either the punishment measures of them seem to be to soft or they are just sick in their heads and this seem to be genetic.
This story is just a parade example of what seems to be more or less normal in this city. If I tell somebody that my car got broken into I will be confronted with other people exposing same experience. I mean a more severe punishment is might be not a solution as it assumes that these people has to be caught first but at least giving more power to victims would be appreciated. This reminds me of the next story which happened nearly a year ago to another friend of mine. He caught the people who were about to break into his car (check this out - in his garage) and got down one of them with a baseball bet. Now guess what... he had a choice between being sentenced to 3 weeks of jail or being fined for inappropriate use of force as the stupid *** whom he got down was under 18... such a pity that you can't ask them for their age fist before they are about to knife you.

How to discover that the guy watched too much of porn?

Well this is not that difficult actually... just check out the following snippet from an MSN conversation that took place today.
... bla bla bla ...
[15:59] female: how is the food she ordered compared with what I ordered before?
[16:01] male: hmmm....
[16:01] male: it is different in a way
[16:02] male: well actually not very different
[16:02] male: she ordered more of the things we used to...
[16:02] male: prones in any possible form
[16:02] female: prawns?
[16:02] male: yes
... bla bla bla ...
[16:09] female: she ordered your favourite 'sweet and sour something'?
[16:11] male: no she didn't
[16:11] male: that was something with nudels
[16:11] female: noodle?
[16:11] male: yes
... bla bla bla ...

So now it is just a simple method of deduction with will lead us to the clue. Consider following similarities prawn =porn, noodle=nude... isn't it more than obvious. Damn, this terminology gave away too easy.

Mac vs. PC

Yet another runner of our department. Every real computer geek should check out that video. I'd probably would elect this video to the best parody I've seen since a really log time. So geek in...

What is the best on womans' tennis

Just had a discussion with one of my female colleagues and was promptly inspired to share my thought with the world outside my room. The argument was that my colleague complained that women’s tennis was so brutal – all the yelling, screaming and what ever else will fall into this category of sound accompaniment.
I myself, personally, enjoy all the screaming and other sounds some female tennis player make which you would normally associate with your bedroom.

Some of the players do really make it easy - check the picture on the right side :-) I mean honestly… the only reason for us (real men) to watch this game is because of all the short skirts and hot looking bodies jumping around on the court in the dimmed light of the sun. These athletic statues shining from the sweat… man who can ever resist… and not add the screaming and yelling… gosh, this is just gorgeous ;-)

Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll

Aaaa.... getting overwhelmed with spam messages. Why do people care about my sexual life/problems, why do they think that my girlfriend is unsatisfied with the size/performance I'm offering, why do they think that I do have inadequate behaviour only because I think I've got something infinitesimal down under. I mean, they even don't know whether I do have a girlfriend at all!
Jest check out this parade example of what I have to deal with every day in my mailbox:

"Girls lie when they say "size doesn't matter" that's just to make us feel better,
The truth is they want their partner to have a huge one, and they will keep searching until they find it!
Now you can be that big man with the new improved and doctor recommended enlargement pills."

Ridiculous stuff! I'm an average Joe exhibiting studish behaviour patterns. That doesn't necessarily mean I am overcompensating for something or gone mental due to the size of some certain things ;-)

Home vs. Office

What is it all about working from home. It has been pouring with rain like mad over the last week and I got the glorious idea of working home (rephrased that would mean that I as a way too lazy to get my umbrella and catch the bus to the office). Rain or severe weather warnings are always a welcome reason to suspend oneself for a chilled out work in the comfy home environment. The only thing which disturbs me in this bold venture is that I am not getting any work done!

Most of my freaky academic friends do swear by all the orders of knighthood that they are much more productive from home rather than in the office. On the contrary, I am not. I end up cleaning my table, watching some highly spiritual contents on the internet (this comment was made in one of my sarcastic friend's honour ), chatting with people and winding myself up that I am not doing anything. Oh... and I forgot to mention another avocation I am pursuing - blogging ;-)

Events to listen out for...

Hello again folks. Sometime ago somebody, who looks extremely similar to me and has same scarce portfolio of hair on his head, said "there is absolutely nothing to do in Manchester except crashing some pub and getting p***d like the rest of your environment". Well, indeed, this person was very wrong. Check out the whole range what this criminal city up north offers.

ARTS AND THEATRE EVENTS...

This months featured events . . .

Manchester’s Enchanted Evenings Season June - July 2007

Bal Enchanté - Fête de la Bastille
14 July
Platt Fields Park, Rusholme

Bastille day is France’s most important public holiday – celebrating the freeing of prisoners from the hated Bastille prison in Paris, at the start of the French Revolution in 1789. Today it is remembered across France with joyous ‘public balls’ for all ages, where entertainment, eating and dancing bring the community together. Join this celebration of all things French with live music, outdoor ballroom, cabaret, street theatre, food, activities and of course the guillotine! Presented by Manchester International Arts with the Alliance Française.
Event times: 7-11pm. £1 at entrance, children under 7 free. www.streetsahead.org.uk

Nutkhut ‘Bollywood Steps’
20–21 July
Platt Fields Park, Rusholme

An extraordinary dance performance using many different Bollywood traditional and contemporary styles and losing none of the glitz and glamour! The dancers perform on a flight of steps, to the accompaniment of fire and water effects. £1 at entrance (children under 7 free).
Event times: 20 July: 9 – 11pm, 21 July: 5 – 7pm and 9 – 11pm. www.streetsahead.org.uk

Concert for Diana
1 July
Exchange Square
A special Concert for Diana relayed live on the Big Screen.

Romancing the Stone
5–14 July
Manchester Town Hall
A truly unique exhibition of art jewellery, made in response to the beautiful, white marble sculptures, housed in the Town Hall. Twenty-two artists from 17 countries have been invited to make a bespoke piece of jewellery to celebrate one of Manchester’s historical figures. The pieces will be exhibited on the sculptures from 5-14 July. www.arsornata.org

Heartbreak Productions Outdoor Theatre: Cry Blue Murder!
5 July, 8–9 August
Fletcher Moss Gardens
Enter a world of intrigue, deceit and raunchy, wicked humour! A hilarious 1920s spoof murder mystery promises you the best of whodunnits. (Suitable for aged 12 + only. Contains strong language, including sexual innuendo.)

Heartbreak Productions Outdoor Theatre: The Wizard of Oz
11 - 12 July
Fletcher Moss Gardens
17 July
Wythenshawe Park
A magical new adaptation from L. Frank Baum ’s book -a fresh and exciting rendition of this family classic, set in the Emerald City.

Heartbreak Productions Outdoor Theatre: Twelfth Night
13 July
Fletcher Moss Gardens
28 - 29 July
Wythenshawe Park
Shakespeare’s most popular comedy, given the Heartbreak treatment -funny and jazzy yet poignant and romantic.
Tickets: £13.50, £10.00 conc. Discounts for families, groups, schools and early booking. Call the Library Theatre Box Office on 0161 236 7110 or Ticketweb on 08700 600 100 to book. www.heartbreakproductions.co.uk

Feelgood Theatre Productions: Blue Remembered Hills
19–28 July
Heaton Park
Feelgood Theatre Productions are launching their own outdoor repertory season in celebration of the 100th anniversary of the establishment of repertory theatre, which was founded in Manchester. Set in the countryside during the second world war, Dennis Potter’s deceptively simple tale combines comedy and tragedy in a gripping story, which reaches a tragic and spectacular climax. (No show on 22-23 July). Tickets: 0161 236 7110. www.feelgoodtheatre.co.uk

24:7 Theatre Festival
23–29 July
Various venues
The fourth annual 24:7 Theatre Festival will present performances of up to 20 newly-written, one-hour plays in a variety of non-theatre venues in Manchester City Centre.
Tickets will be available from mid-June. Enquiries can be made by phone on 0845 408 4101 or by post at PO Box 247, Manchester M60 2ZT.
You can find out more about this award-winning festival and sign up to receive regular emails at www.247theatrefestival.co.uk

Heartbreak Productions Outdoor Theatre: The Merchant of Venice
25-26 July
Fletcher Moss Gardens, Didsbury
A captivating plot, with something for everyone; injustice, revenge and for the romantic in us, not one, or two but three love stories.
Tickets: £13.50, £10.00 conc. Call the Library Theatre Box Office on 0161 236 7110 or Ticketweb on 08700 600 100 to book.
Tickets for all the Heartbreak Productions shows: 0161 236 7110.www.heartbreakproductions.co.uk

OUTDOOR EVENTS...

Wheel of Manchester
From end May
Exchange Square
Take to the skies, as the iconic observation wheel returns to Exchange Square from May onwards. The 60m high, contemporary, big wheel has 42 capsules, which seat up to eight people, all with wheelchair access, air conditioning and heating. With spectacular views across Manchester and beyond, it's an unforgettable experience for all the family.
Visit the website for information and tickets, priced: Adults £6, Children (Under 12) £4, Children (Under 4) FREE, VIP capsule (max. 4 people) £65 with champagne, £50 without. www.worldtouristattractions.co.uk

Manchester Bike Week
16–24 June
Various venues
Get on your bike and celebrate cycling during Manchester Bike Week. Organised by Manchester City Council, facilitated and sponsored by local cycling groups and organisations, the week begins with a fun interactive event in St Ann's Square on Saturday 16 June. It continues with a range of activities, including led cycle rides suitable for a range of ages and abilities. To find out more check out
www.manchester.gov.uk/transport/walkingcycling/

National Veterans’ Day
27 June
For more information about Manchester’s acknowledgement of National Veterans’ Day visit www.manchesterlive.co.uk

Manchester Garden Market
28th June – 15th July
Albert Square 10am – 8pm
If you love contemporary garden design and you’re looking for inspiration on how to transform your garden this summer then head for the Manchester Garden Market in Albert Square. Alongside fabulous floral treats there will be a designer garden installation, contemporary garden art, urban garden accessories, an oriental garden, and garden furniture. The huge selection of bulbs, plants and blooms will provide the perfect backdrop to the tea garden where visitors can soak up the sunshine whilst enjoying summer foods and refreshments including a hog roast and Pimms. This will be complimented by a selection of art and craft stalls where you will find accessories such as lighting, water features and other accessories for your garden aswell as jewellery and other delights. www.manchester.gov.uk/markets/specialist/index.htm

Bal Enchanté - Fête de la Bastille
14 July
Platt Fields Park, Rusholme
Part of the Enchanted Evenings series
Bastille day is France’s most important public holiday – celebrating the freeing of prisoners from the hated Bastille prison in Paris, at the start of the French Revolution in 1789. Today it is remembered across France with joyous ‘public balls’ for all ages, where entertainment, eating and dancing bring the community together. Join this celebration of all things French with live music, outdoor ballroom, cabaret, street theatre, food, activities and of course the guillotine! Presented by Manchester International Arts with the Alliance Française.
Event times: 7-11pm. £1 at entrance, children under 7 free. www.streetsahead.org.uk

Nutkhut ‘Bollywood Steps’
20–21 July
Platt Fields Park, Rusholme
Part of the Enchanted Evenings series
An extraordinary dance performance using many different Bollywood traditional and contemporary styles and losing none of the glitz and glamour! The dancers perform on a flight of steps, to the accompaniment of fire and water effects. £1 at entrance (children under 7 free).
Event times: 20 July: 9 – 11pm, 21 July: 5 – 7pm and 9 – 11pm. www.streetsahead.org.uk

Manchester Summer Mega Mela
28–29 July
Platt Fields Park, Rusholme
A celebration of Asian arts and culture with music, entertainment and performances from locally and internationally renowned artists, food and fashion, stalls and much more. Call 0161 256 4518 for information.www.manchesterlive.co.uk

Homophobic England?

Just returned from my lunch swimming break and I'm totally discomposed by what I experienced in the male changing room. No worries guys, I am safe... nobody dropped his soape in the bath and asked me to pick it up ;-)
But I observed a fact which I am witnessing all 3 years of my well-being in UK. In the male changing room full of guys people are ashamed to strip down their cloth. Guys cover themselves with towels in order to put on swimming trunks. I mean maybe some of you just flew over my last sentence but let me break it down for you - guys cover themselves up from other guys... Did the grotesqueness of this situation get into your head?
I see it here much more frequently than back home. I mean back home there are some odd ones out too but it is not such a massive trend like on this beautiful island.

What did go wrong in the mental build-up of the average young male Brit in order to exhibit such sick behaviour pattern as this. I am puzzled on that one.

Another parade example is my shared house - if I am running around topless than I'll be confronted with eternal discussions about amorality of my behaviour... Am I pervert or something (I'll track down every buffoon who might find it funny to reply exactly on this question of mine).
Might this picture give some hint on what went wrong?

Chat-up line that guaranteed works

Folks, I have it in my guts... this chat-up line will work. If were female I would bite on that:

"Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stress! ed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."

And here my fellow predators is what your pray might replay... just a small sample (own experience included):

• **** "NO" **** (Just that one word)
• "Do you have to work very hard at being a *****, or does it just come naturally?"
• "I don't know what your problem is, but it will be hard to pronounce I guess."
• "In this fantasy world of yours, do you have any magical powers?"
• this is the hardest of all of them "you live with your mom still, right?"

If you are still desperate here is more of this stuff.

The coolest dog ever

Ok because the feedback on my doggy was so smashing and enthusiastic here are some more extremely fabulous out-takes.

Folks, honestly, it is just unbelievable how far the trust and patience of the so called men's best friend goes. My Hulk would have gone out of me after the first picture... if I were my dog ;-)

Clever clocks in a few steps

Always wanted to be a clever clocks, a whippersnapper or just simply a smart a** in your academic papers? The feeling most academic wannabes know all too well...
Here is what you need my desperate and struggling academic friend - this page lists direct English translations of common Latin phrases, such as veni vidi vici and et cetera. Some of the phrases are themselves translations of Greek phrases, as Greek rhetoric and literature reached its peak centuries before that of Ancient Rome.
So, happy pretending!

Cats and Dogs

We watched it over 50 times in the department... just fabulous

Honestly, why shouldn't I upload my dog's videos to You Tube?... I wouldn't say my dog can't be ranked behind any of videos the have there. I'll tell you even more - it is even far better! Just check out his usual "chill out and don't even think about touching me" position.

Academa vs. Industry

Hello folks,
here is an issue which burdens lots of us in the final year of your abhorred PhD: "what shall I do afterwards dude?"
A good question indeed and I don't know many from my friend's circle who planned their career after PhD assiduously already during their PhD.
Here are are couple of links which might be interesting for these of you who are still trying to find the right way:

• The mental aspect of the whole debate about being an academic
• An interesting study abut the female/male choice differences
• A more rhetoric style of describing the transition between academia and industry
• A survey conducted by the magazine of life science (The Scientist) in December 2000

If anybody has got a really good tip about how to make a final decision in order not to regret it later on... they can email it to me ;-)

Different perspective

Got this sent from a friend and couldn't stop laughing for a while. So for these of you who can read a bit of Russian here is a really good review of some countries with respect to a little bit different Russian perspective:
Гардероб это Китай. Да, Вы можете говорить кому угодно HUGO BOSS, COVALLI, GUCCI (показывает фигу) КИ-ТАЙ. Антресоли, антресоли это Монголия, потому что нихрена не понятно, что там лежит, что там происходит, вообще нихрена не понятно. Кухня, кухня это Ближний Восток, потому что там постоянно, что-то готовится все на ножах, постоянный фарш, мясо по стенам, слезы, сопли и в центре этого диктатор, который воняет химическим оружием. Если Вы живете с тещей, то комната тещи это США. Открываем дверь - вот оно, тупое лицо руководителя государства. А если Вы только сунетесь на Ближний Восток, ЖОПА, война обеспечена. Туалет, туалет это Голландия. Потому что неровно положенный кафель постоянно напоминает Вам, что его клали какие-то пида#$%ы. Телевизор, телевизор это Украина. Потому что пульт управления гуляет по рукам, поэтому каждую минуту на Украине новая программа. Кот, если у Вас живет кот, то это Прибалтика. Ест на халяву, пьет на халяву, мелко пакостит и делает вид, что нихрена не понимает по-русски. Холодильник это Евросоюз, чего там только нет, и вроде бы все лежит аккуратно, по полочкам, но обязательно что-то одно воняет. Как только жрать нечего, сразу все лезут в Евросоюз, и Прибалтика тоже сует туда свой нос. Балкон это Египет. Нигде в мире Вы не найдете большего количества древностей, причем этого говна там целые пирамиды. Старый молоток, старый молоток это Люксембург. А где он? Да х** его знает, где он! Гараж это Париж. В центре стоит большая груда железа, под которой можно трахаться часами. И собственно Вы во всем этом Россия. До поры до времени улыбаемся США. Кормим Прибалтику. Боретесь за право обладания пультом управления Украины. Соприкасаетесь с Евросоюзом. Но сдохнуть хочется в Париже")))))))

Bewerbung und Ihr Alter...

Eine der Sachen die mich wirklich zum Wahnsinn treibt ist der Bewerbungprozess in Deutschland. Ich habe gerade zwei Anmeldungen zum Workshop rausgeschickt. Die eine ging an ein englisches Unternehmen und die andere an ein deutsches. Irgendwie gaben sich die Engländer mit einem simplen CV zufrieden und die Landsmänner wollten ihren verfestigten Klischees treu bleiben - komplette Bewerbungmappe samt Motivationsschreiben war gefragt (ich meine das ist doch nur ein Workshop… wozu die ganzen Formalitäten?!).

Dazu kommt noch der Anforderungsprofil... Es war ein international agierendes Unternehmen welches jemanden haben wollte, der folgendem Profil entspricht: Hochschulausbildung, Berufserfahrung erwünscht, ,internationale Praktika, Lust auf …(Null-acht-fünfzehn Auflistung) und bereit ist sich im Jahresrhythmus zu dislozieren (Familie ausgeschlossen per se). Jetzt kommt aber etwas, was mehr als 90% der Studienabgänger in Deutschland vollkommen in Schatten stellt - "der Kandidat soll nicht älter als 23 sein".
Die Anforderungen an sich wären ja noch zu erfühlen aber nicht die Altersgrenze. Für die englischen Verhältnisse ist es sogar ganz gut möglich weil man hier schon mit 22 einen BA in der Tasche hat und feste auf den Beinen stellt.
Der Beispiel sollte nur verdeutlichen, dass Deutschland zwar gute Arbeitskräfte produziert (die überall gerne gesehen werden) allerdings diese in einem, für westeuropäischen Arbeitsmarkt, benachteiligtem Alter in das offene Meer schickt.

Relativity Theory

Undoubtfully the best explanation of the relativity theory was given by the men who forged it in the first hand (my apologies to the physicists if this statement might call some chunter):
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein
03/14/1879 - 04/18/1955
Nobel Prize Laureate (Physics)

Check out this link for more food for thoughts from Albert Einstien.

Tribute to all newcomers in UK

This has been said many time and I'd like to add my 5 cent to this discussion too. What is it all about these separated water taps in the bathroom - you either burn yourself or you get frostbites. There is absolutely no Nash equilibrium whatsoever.
Apparently there is a story of central cold water supply long time ago in Britain and all people having their own water tanks on their roofs. In order to prevent contamination of the main water supply it was prohibited to use mixer in your bath.
Having have said that I have to admit that in nearly 3 years of living over here I haven't seen these water tanks anywhere (not even in the deep countryside). So, returning to the rhetoric question at the start - why separated water taps.