Why people say information scientists have lost the link to reality?

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NASCAR 6.0, NFL 5.1 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do? Signed, Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources..)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

The ultimative soundtrack

A colleague of mine suggested to make a documentary about the current market crises and put this song of Pink Floyd as a soundtrack. I consider it an ingenious idea!

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and youre okay.
Money, its a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think Ill buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
Im all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, its a hit.
Dont give me that do goody good bullshit.
Im in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that theyre
Giving none away.

Huhuh! I was in the right!
Yes, absolutely in the right!
I certainly was in the right!
You was definitely in the right. that geezer was cruising for a
Bruising!
Yeah!
Why does anyone do anything?
I dont know, I was really drunk at the time!
I was just telling him, he couldnt get into number 2. he was asking
Why he wasnt coming up on freely, after I was yelling and
Screaming and telling him why he wasnt coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out

For these who want to start trading in these crule times

Young wannabe investors will find these links for helpful

• http://www.etflab.de/de/pages/ueberuns
• http://www.de.ishares.com/home.aspx?siteid=2&lang=de
• http://www.comstage.de/Products/ProductSearchPage.aspx?pc=1&c=18
• www.onivsta.de

Excel and its tremendous power

Got that from bobsguide and was laughing a long long time. Enjoy reading:

Spreadsheet error blights Barclays Lehman deal

Barclays has filed a legal relief motion after an Excel error lead to the inclusion of 179 contracts in its Lehman Brothers purchase agreement.
Clearly Gottlieb Steen and Hamilton who are representing Barclays in the transaction has asked the US Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York to exclude certain contracts from the deal.
The law firm says that a junior associate had reformatted an Excel spreadsheet into a PDF document to post on the court's website.
However, the associate was unaware that the original document – which contained 24,000 individual cells, included some rows marked with an 'n' to signify those assets that Barclays would not be taking on, according to Finextra.
The law firm petitioned the court to allow the changes to "correct the record to accurately reflect Barclays' actual designations and confirm that those agreements that were erroneously posted are not closing date contracts".
Meanwhile, Barclays has said that it plans to raise £7.5 billion in capital to take its capital ratio up to the newly required levels set by the UK government.

The BIOS mystery

The following link to the zdnet artile might be of interest for these who always wanted to know something about this weird blue screen the computer gurus talk so often about.