Monday, 31 August 2009

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It...

I've got it forwarded by a friend in German but managed to find the original English version here. I'd give it a classic status. By the way, the picture is a classic too and is well worth seeing it in big.

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys. (from a girls point of view)

  1. While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are… plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.
  2. They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.
  3. They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.
  4. Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.
  5. They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?
  6. Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.
  7. Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.
  8. They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?
  9. Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.

    Girl: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
    Geek Guy: “ooooooo…”
    Girl: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
    Geek Guy: “What?”
    Girl: “Never mind…”

  10. Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.
  11. His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).
  12. They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.
  13. They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…
  14. You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…
  15. And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

Thursday, 27 August 2009

The true story of the current crisis

Many economists are banging theirs heads against a brick wall while trying to talk shop about the real origin of the current crisis. Many theories and speculations exist but none is satisfactory. It seems like we are tracking some real history here...
I guess this, undoubtedly, sheds some light on the intricacies of the current state of the financial markets.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Multifariousness of the English language

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
  • The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
    She said, "If I’d be your wife I'd give you poison."
    He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
  • A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
    "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
    "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
  • "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
  • "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
  • "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
  • "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
  • "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
  • "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
  • "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde
  • "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play. Bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one." - Winston Churchill.
  • "I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
  • "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
  • "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
  • "He is not only dull himself… He is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
  • "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles Talleyrand
  • "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
  • "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
  • "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
  • "Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
  • "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang
  • "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilde
  • "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Thursday, 30 July 2009

"Woman" - a new chemical element

Here is something for chemists with skills in Russian language. All other folks - sorry but haven't got any time for translating it.

НАЗВАНИЕ: Женщина
СИМВОЛ: Fm
ПЕРВООТКРЫВАТЕЛЬ: Адам
АТОМНАЯ МАССА: 60 кг; также встречаются изотопы от 40 до 250 кг.
РАСПРОСТРАНЕННОСТЬ: Очень распространен.

ФИЗИЧЕСКИЕ СВОЙСТВА.
Тает при определенном воздействии. Самопроизвольно закипает и без внешних причин охлаждается. Коэффициент расширения: увеличивается с годами. Мнется при сдавливании в определенных местах.

ХИМИЧЕСКИЕ СВОЙСТВА.
Очень хорошо взаимодействует с Au, Ag, Pt и другими благородными металлами. Поглощает дорогостоящие вещества в больших количествах. Может неожиданно взорваться. Быстро насыщается этиловым спиртом. Активность варьируется в зависимости от времени суток.

ПРИМЕНЕНИЕ.
Широко применяется в декоративных целях, особенно в спортивных автомобилях. Является очень эффективным чистящим и моющим средством. Помогает расслабиться и снять стресс.

КАЧЕСТВЕННАЯ РЕАКЦИЯ.
Приобретает зеленую окраску, если рядом находится другой образец более высокого качества.

Monday, 20 July 2009

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's work place
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.

(Source: Recruiters Network)

Visa cardholders hit with $23 quadrillion charges

I've got another encouragement to carry on with my sufferings in terms of PhD business. Maybe I can save the world one day (I haven't even tried to forbear the hidden irony).
We all know that IT makes up a crucial component of today's business, especially in the banking sector. Below you can read what happens if IT doesn't play along. According to CNN news (original article can be found hier) some Visa cardholders in the US have been hit with charges of over $23 quadrillion after a technical glitch.
A number of customers using the firm's prepaid products found their accounts had been charged $23,148,855,308,184,500 - which according to CNN is more than 2,000 times the size of the US national debt.
One man, Josh Muszynski from New Hampshire, discovered he had been affected when he checked his Bank of America account online after buying a packet of cigarettes at a petrol station.
In a statement, Visa said that a "temporary programming error" at its debit processing services was to blame for the glitch, which it sat affected "fewer than 13,000 Visa prepaid transactions".
The firm added that the issue has been corrected and the "erroneous" figures have been removed from customers' accounts.
Visa announced earlier this year that it is trialing a new type of credit card that uses unique codes in order to combat fraud.

Friday, 17 July 2009

A very powerful ad

I always admired British campaigns. The one blow is a parade example of one. Take a good look at it - this will teach and inform you a lot about your behaviour.